A little insight for you on the conversation that solidified that phrase for me last night
- Do you really need someone there? how is it different from any other race....?
- (Are you kidding me...whats the difference between a little 5k and a marathon, I don't know, 23.1 Miles, depletion of every ounce of energy, mental battles. Even the difference between a half and a full, it's like saying walking a mile and walking a mile with an elephant on your back is the same thing. NO, I don't NEED someone there, I'm a big girl, I go to plenty of races alone, but would it be easier, YES. Knowing that somewhere along the course I see a familiar face with a smile and a little cheer to give me a boost to get through those hard miles, easier to have someone hand stuff off to me at certain miles so I don't have to carry everything on me like a fucking pack mule, easier to cross the finish line knowing that there is someone to hold me up if I don't want to stand, to tell me I did amazing even if It wasn't my best time, or to scream and congratulate me If I do what I went there to do?? If you don't think a marathon is different from another race, you don't respect the distance.)
- So what you have a bad race, you just get in the car and go home, whats the big deal?
- (If only it was that simple for me. Having a bad marathon is not the same as a 5k or another race. If it's pain that made it bad, its not ordinary pain its I-just-ran-for3+hours-every-damn-bone-in-my-body-hurts-and-I-don't-have-energy-to-lift-the-water-cup-to-my-face-pain. If its the mental battle that made it bad, its dealing with the emotions and stress of weeks and months of hard training going down the drain, not reaching your goal no matter how hard you tried, and facing my number one fear, failure. It's not, oh Ill just run another one tomorrow and Ill feel better, it's- I'm not going to want to get out of bed tomorrow because I'm going to feel like shit mentally and physically. SO yeah, finishing a marathon is great, it a goal within itself, But when you are training hard and you try and push yourself to the next level, its hard to accept finishing as your achievement. Yes I have had races where I threw my hands in the air and was happy to finish, but that doesn't mean that that little voice in your head saying " did you do everything? what if you did this instead of that and maybe you would have been faster" goes away. Its not that simple. Yes, After the Rochester Marathon, I went home that night and signed up for another marathon 8 weeks away because I was mad at myself for not BQ, or that I had to stop and walk a few times. So yes, I went and got back on the horse and took my pride and buried it in 8 more weeks of training. But that doesn't mean its not easy, doesn't mean I don't have times where I over analyze everything about that race, and where I went wrong. Harrisburg is coming up quick...and having a bad race half hour from home is one thing, but traveling 5+ hours away and having a bad race and having all that time to drive home and think about it all, I want to avoid that being a negative after race.
- Just go out and run, it's not like it'g going to make or break something for you.
- (NO, it wont break me, YES you just go out and run. But all the planning and effort and hard work and training, makes it worth something. NO, it't not going to define me but that doesn't mean I don't want to do well. YES it will make me a stronger person either way, but isn't reaching for a goal a good thing? Isn't striving for something and digging deep for determination important? Yes I will wake up the next day regardless (unless that damn wall falls down and crushes me....which I haven't ruled out as a possibility). But if I am going into a race, with a goal of something like time or BQ or something, then that is what I am setting out to do. If I am going to do a marathon for fun and to relax and make that kind of experience out of it (Which I promised Amber that I would do...our goal is the marathon in France that has wine at each water stop...oh hell yes, that's on my bucket list, and I will walk and run and drink and laugh and be merry) than that is another story.
- Yes the distance is insane, but I don't understand what the big deal is....
- Have you ever ran for 3+ hours, No? okay talk to me when you have and tell me how you feel about it afterwards? Do you know what it feels like when you hit mile 20 or 21 or 22 and say 'are you fucking kidding me, this thing is not over yet, I'm not sure if I am going to make it', Have you ever felt your body run out of glycogen stores and be completely running on empty, NO I'm not talking about those days where you worked really long hours and were so tired when you got home your head hit the pillow and you were instantly out. I'm talking about blinking as being work because you are so drained, and all you can do is say one foot in front of the other, because your body wont do it for you anymore.
- What is there to get emotional about at the finish line of a marathon?
- Watching all these people finish this huge accomplishment. Seeing little kids jump in the last little bit, to run with mommy or daddy across that finish line for an experience of a lifetime. Seeing crowds of families with signs and posters watching and waiting and screaming for their loved ones. Seeing the pain, and victory and defeat all in one facial expression as they approach the finish, or the sigh of relief when they finally cross after a 26.2 miles of pure determination. Feeling overwhelming accomplishment for reaching your goal and knowing that everything you did, all those training runs and extra carbs were all for a good reason. Feeling defeat, not reaching the goal you wanted knowing how hard you worked for it. Or crossing the finish line, seeing no one you know, or seeing those closest to you, standing there not making a noise. (That's when I say thank you Amber, for screaming and hugging me and cheering me on at the finish, when parents and boyfriend stood there not making a sound.). Call me a freaking baby, but there is a hell of a lot to be emotional about at the finish line of a marathon. So screw you and your lack of emotions towards anything of importance in your life. This stuff is important to me so you bet your ass it's gonna get emotional sometimes!
Now don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people who do respect the distance. I, myself am not sure if I ever respected it fully until I did one, and than another. So yes, until you do one, you might not understand it, you might think it's insane ( I know I used to, and well I still do think 26.2 miles is insane..), you might wonder why something that can stress you out and cause so much pain, is something you are willing to put yourself through time and time again. Just because you don't understand or respect it or have the desire to do it, doesn't mean you have the right to disrespect it with words and actions. Keep that shit to yourself please, because quite frankly, I don't want to hear it.
